Updated: 3 hours ago
Ask ACE
Ask ACE: How can I handle rude colleagues?
By John O’Brien
Q: How can I handle rude colleagues?
ACE advises: We live in tense times. Rude and uncivil behavior — especially at work — seems to be on the rise. In a 2022 Harvard Business Review article, Christine Porath reported that 76% of workers had witnessed or experienced incivility at work within the previous month.
So, what can you do about inconsiderate colleagues?
1. Start with self-awareness: Consider how your own behavior might be perceived. Some reactions from coworkers may reflect how they feel treated by you.
2. Don’t take it personally: If someone is uncharacteristically short or irritable, the issue might not be about you at all. Your colleague may be frustrated by something else and blowing off steam. It may be better just to let it go.
3. Pause and breathe: Detach from the moment to gain perspective. Abdominal breathing or the “physiological sigh” (recommended by Huberman Lab) can help regulate stress and prepare you to respond calmly.
4. Address it directly — when appropriate: If the behavior is more than a one-off, consider a private, respectful conversation. People often don’t realize they’ve been offensive. Begin with concern: “Are you okay?” Use active listening and ask short, open-ended questions like “How so?” to encourage reflection.
5. Involve authority if needed: If the behavior is part of a pattern, seek guidance from a supervisor. Document specific examples if appropriate but be careful not to escalate by gossiping or excluding the colleague. It may be better to let your supervisor investigate whether the problem is widespread. A supervisor may also have a broader perspective and better tools to address the issue.
Working your way through these steps will help you evaluate the size of the problem before taking the next, more serious, action. The situation may simply die down. If not, you know what to do next.
ACE member John M. O’Brien is a professional speaker, executive coach and consultant who is the author of the recently released book, “Rudeness Rehab: Reclaiming Civility in the Workplace and Your Home Space.” He can be reached at: john@activatesuccess.org
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