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Updated: September 8, 2025 Ask ACE

Ask ACE: How do I balance numbers and emotions in my family business?

By Alex Adler

Q: How do I balance numbers and emotions in my family business?

ACE advises: Family businesses often grow and succeed across generations, but the journey isn’t always easy. Profits can dip when leadership shifts. Older family members may struggle to let go, while younger ones may feel unsure about stepping up. Rivalries and jealousy can spark tension and worries about loyalty sometimes hold people back from trying new ideas.

In these businesses, work and family life often blend together. Decisions aren’t based only on numbers — they’re shaped by relationships and emotions too. Some of those feelings are talked about openly, but many stay just below the surface, influencing choices in ways people may not even realize.

That’s where a psychodynamic consultant can help. Their focus is on how emotions drive behavior and how unconscious feelings can affect a business. Any challenge that involves decision making or behavior might be worth exploring through this lens.

A good consultant “can talk about the elephant in the room and give perspective to both sides of a discussion,” says Catherine Wygant Fossett, executive director of the Institute for Family-Owned Business. “They are removed from the past relationship dynamics that carry over into adulthood and they can guide several generations through the often-messy emotional feelings that can affect the success of the business because they don’t have that family tie that can be unraveled.”

Financial reports and clear data will always matter but so does paying attention to the less visible forces at play. In family businesses, where personal history and professional responsibility overlap, emotions can have a big impact — sometimes quietly, sometimes dramatically.

Making room to name and address those unspoken concerns can ease long-standing tensions, open up more honest conversations, and help businesses adapt and grow.

Alex Adler is a member of the International Society for the Psychoanalytic Study of Organizations. He is also an advanced candidate at the Massachusetts Institute for Psychoanalysis. He works in Portland and can be reached at (617) 653-0526.

About ACE

The Association for Consulting Expertise (ACE) is a nonprofit association of independent consultants who value “success through collaboration.” The public is welcome to attend its regular meetings to share best practices and engage with industry experts. For more information go to www.consultexpertise.com.

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